I certainly have. Particularly after two people who dislike me made derogatory remarks about “the crap I write” and “why would anyone read” that crap? My first thought both times was “why would anyone read a blog they thought was shite??” That just seems bizarre to me, and a them problem not a me problem!
My resolve on that hasn’t waivered, but it did make me question myself and what I get out of blogging that keeps me going. There’s always a pay off, otherwise we wouldn’t do the things we choose to do. So what’s the pay off for me?
If I was blogging for popularity, I would’ve given up ages ago when my friends and family stopped reading! Now the last few words of that sentence shows a high indication that what I write is indeed crap, but…it’s my crap – my life, my feelings, my thoughts.
Unfortunately mental illness isn’t like breaking up with a boyfriend where you get over it after a while and your friends get back their happy mate. Mental illness is chronic and often there doesn’t seem to be a break from the hardship it places on life, and we all cope differently. People get tired. They wear out. They stop wanting to know. You stop talking. I completely get however why people stop wanting to know, I completely get how draining it is being around depression and negativity.
So I write for me. Nobody else. It’s an outlet I get satisfaction from and that’s the pay off. If I do receive likes or comments on my blog, of course they’re appreciated, but I’ve really realised that I don’t write for the purpose of gaining acknowledgement or anything else from others.
My blog is like a diary to which I can also add other people’s inspiring posts. Why? For me to be able read back over whenever I want or need to. I don’t expect anybody to be interested in my life – it’s not a very exciting one! But as I’ve said, it’s mine, as is the choice to write about it.
And I’m not forcing anyone to read it…