Where are you??! We need you!!!!

We were lucky enough, years ago, to have a star from the universe as our caseworker. Her name was Stella. I used to tell her I wished I could clone her so I could keep her. She was the perfect fit for us because was so knowledgeable, we got along really well, she was awesome with Jessie, and not afraid to challenge either of us. Because she was also a mum, she not only had Uni degrees, she also had lived experience and genuinely cared.

I loved her because when she heard “I can’t”, she heard that, but through communication always left me feeling empowered and saying “I can”. Over two years she taught me so much about Jessie, myself, both as a person and a parent, and about parenting itself. I could use her support and clarity at the moment.

comm-144x144I’m completely disillusioned with Jessie’s current mental health care team. I really feel like they’ve aided Jessie in believing she isn’t capable of doing anything, and support her in doing so. I’m worked against, resulting in Jessie not listening to what I have to say, and I feel totally undermined as a parent.

I’m told her anxiety prevents her from working or studying, but instead of teaching her ways to manage her anxiety, she’s signed up for the disability payment and essentially told she doesn’t need to study – even online. I’m so angry. They’re setting her up to live on the dole. She said to me tonight that she can’t do anything, but can’t stand the thought of living in housing, on the pension. She has dreams. She should be given help so she can achieve those dreams, instead of being given the tools to give up.

She’s self harming again, and not in a good place. She wasn’t in her last counselling session, but doesn’t have another appointment until August to have her meds reviewed. CYMHS have given me the number for another youth counselling service that I was told offer home visits and didn’t require a referral, but that’s not the case. Not only that, the service said they’re only a 5 person team, and that it was CYMHS that offered home visits. Back and forth *sigh*

Stella would have me managing a whole lot better, so I’ve realised I need to remember how she did that, and do the same now. The things I remember that made the most difference were:-

  1. Non-judgement, compassion and understanding for how I was feeling.
  2. Kinder, wiser, stronger.
  3. Think about what’s going on for Jessie behind her behaviours.

depression-monsterI’m finding it really challenging separating my own emotions that are triggered by past traumas, so #3 is one I really need to consciously remind myself of. By thinking from that perspective, the bodily sensations settle and my thoughts don’t go down that toxic path.

Not knowing if Jessie’s self harming in her room, wondering if she’s going to come home when she goes out – that panics me and I’d love Stella’s insight on how to handle those fears. Jessie behaving out of character is adding to that panic. The goal posts keep moving and I’m not sure where on the field I need to be.

Stella was a grounding force and I miss her incredibly.


8 thoughts on “Stehhhllaaaa!!!!

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  1. If Jesse has hopes for her future, these should be encouraged. The professionals in this case seem to be taking the easy route to supporting you both… why offer actual support when they can just throw money at it instead?! It makes me so angry.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I absolutely agree Jessie’s hopes should be encouraged. I don’t think sending the message that she cannot do better is a good one – not a good message to send to any teenager! I just can’t get my head around any of it. It is infuriating.


  2. It is never easy being in a position like yours Kat and l agree it is being made harder by the mental health team dealing with Jessie. It’s a typical catch 22 issue. i think the problem with MH teams/Crisis teams these days are they are all too keen to help, but and yet they at times don’t offer the best help with forwards motion.

    If they take away Jessie’s hope by saying that she doesn’t need to do this and doesn’t need to do that, then where is the hope. Where is the motivation for getting better? As much as Jessie doesn’t want to not have her dreams realised, she is in some ways allowing the Mh team to make those decisions for her and therefore taking the easy path.

    There are answer out there, but mostly it does have to come from within the person suffering and for them to make a bolder step and say to them selves, l want to have more in my life, how can l start to turn this around. But MH teams instead of motivating and enthusing that and downplaying it and allowing sufferers to suffer more .

    But for your own sanity you must try and live by these rulings which is difficult when it concerns someone you love and want to help;

    Non-judgement, compassion and understanding for how I was feeling.
    Kinder, wiser, stronger.
    Think about what’s going on for Jessie behind her behaviours.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hope – we come across that word again! It’s something we all need but where is it when it’s being inferred that you’re unable to do better? I feel by saying Jessie doesn’t have to do the things everyone else does, that is exactly the message being given to her. She’s not being inspired and encouraged as I believe she should be for her own benefit.
      Yes, those three points are one’s I need to live by, most definitely. Thanks Rory 🙂 x

      Liked by 1 person

  3. That’s super frustrating. It’s all well and good to set someone up on DSP but due to the RIDICULOUS hoops that you need to jump through and the length of time it takes to start receiving the payment it makes a lot of people fearful to pause and try working later on. Part of the condition of getting DSP is that the doc believes your “condition will remain unchanged for 2 or more years” Jessie is a bright and capable girl with good family support, bipolar slows you down and messes up time frames BUT it absolutely doesn’t need to stop her working or living an EXCELLENT life! She can and I believe WILL go far in life with support. For $ purposes, what about YA / Aus Study/ Newstart Allowance with a ‘can’t study / look for work atm due to ill health’ doctors certificate? (May need to be enrolled in a course for YA/ Aus Study though? I’ve been out of the game too long & don’t remember)
    Hugs to both of you!
    xoxo Kate

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much Kate and I agree with all you say. Jesse has so much potential and I fear being put on DSP at such a young age is really detrimental to her mindset. I’d prefer she didn’t go on benefits at all at this stage, but she had applied for YA which was cancelled when she was in hospital. The whole situation is annoying and I can’t help but wonder if they’d give the same advice to their own kids?!
      Hugs to you too 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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