Where are you??! We need you!!!!
We were lucky enough, years ago, to have a star from the universe as our caseworker. Her name was Stella. I used to tell her I wished I could clone her so I could keep her. She was the perfect fit for us because was so knowledgeable, we got along really well, she was awesome with Jessie, and not afraid to challenge either of us. Because she was also a mum, she not only had Uni degrees, she also had lived experience and genuinely cared.
I loved her because when she heard “I can’t”, she heard that, but through communication always left me feeling empowered and saying “I can”. Over two years she taught me so much about Jessie, myself, both as a person and a parent, and about parenting itself. I could use her support and clarity at the moment.
I’m completely disillusioned with Jessie’s current mental health care team. I really feel like they’ve aided Jessie in believing she isn’t capable of doing anything, and support her in doing so. I’m worked against, resulting in Jessie not listening to what I have to say, and I feel totally undermined as a parent.
I’m told her anxiety prevents her from working or studying, but instead of teaching her ways to manage her anxiety, she’s signed up for the disability payment and essentially told she doesn’t need to study – even online. I’m so angry. They’re setting her up to live on the dole. She said to me tonight that she can’t do anything, but can’t stand the thought of living in housing, on the pension. She has dreams. She should be given help so she can achieve those dreams, instead of being given the tools to give up.
She’s self harming again, and not in a good place. She wasn’t in her last counselling session, but doesn’t have another appointment until August to have her meds reviewed. CYMHS have given me the number for another youth counselling service that I was told offer home visits and didn’t require a referral, but that’s not the case. Not only that, the service said they’re only a 5 person team, and that it was CYMHS that offered home visits. Back and forth *sigh*
Stella would have me managing a whole lot better, so I’ve realised I need to remember how she did that, and do the same now. The things I remember that made the most difference were:-
- Non-judgement, compassion and understanding for how I was feeling.
- Kinder, wiser, stronger.
- Think about what’s going on for Jessie behind her behaviours.
I’m finding it really challenging separating my own emotions that are triggered by past traumas, so #3 is one I really need to consciously remind myself of. By thinking from that perspective, the bodily sensations settle and my thoughts don’t go down that toxic path.
Not knowing if Jessie’s self harming in her room, wondering if she’s going to come home when she goes out – that panics me and I’d love Stella’s insight on how to handle those fears. Jessie behaving out of character is adding to that panic. The goal posts keep moving and I’m not sure where on the field I need to be.
Stella was a grounding force and I miss her incredibly.