Why Dating a Narcissist Is Not For Me

Un. Frickin. Believable. I can certainly attract the worst types dating. After the psychopath created havoc with our lives in 2010, I lost trust in myself and in humanity. Not wanting another man in my heart or home I stayed single for 6 years. As I was now dealing with a broken Jessie, as well as my own mind, dating was last on my list of interests.

Then I met the loveliest person. He was smart and had interesting philosophies that I liked, hence I loved talking with Him. He was gentle and warm, seemingly a beautiful, caring soul and a good communicator. I thought finally I had met a genuinely decent guy who I could actually connect with, and who liked me for me. I felt special for a little while…

The other night I was told ‘I wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire to put it out’, that I ‘need a punch in the face’, and that he hopes ‘you choke on your words and die’! He wishes me to die for words he spoke. To wish physical violence and death upon someone shows an unhinged mind that I do not want around myself or Jessie.

Not only that, I am ‘just a society shit kicker’. This is coming from someone who still lives with and is supported by his parents! I’m the society shit kicker, but still He needed to bludge off me because He doesn’t work and has nothing! All after a privileged private school education mind you. He has different projects constantly – none of which have ever been followed through with and completed. But this is the mind fuck of a narcissist. Tall poppy syndrome!

Narcissists cannot cope with strong people who question them or do not buy into their crap. Abuse, degradation, blame, intimidation are their go to instincts. Fake crying, manipulation and sob stories of victimisation are then moved on to the next supply source. Taking responsibility for their own actions doesn’t ever come into the equation. Ask a narcissist – they’re perfect, they’re awesome, they see themselves as gods. They’ll tell you it’s everyone else that’s the problem.

…but they need your unquestioning adoration

Communicating with a narcissist is in reality, impossible – unless they choose to play the game. I did learn that He likes to disparage those supposedly closest to him, or share their secrets. Once you are in the devaluation stage communication style follows suit. With me it consisted of disagreeing with everything I said without consideration, constant talk of His ex girlfriends and fan girl dramas, gaslighting, and egotism. The only thing He hasn’t dissed is this website, despite having no regard for its content – but then again, it was His idea. I quickly became sick of trying when He wasn’t, and sick of being in a teenage years ‘love’ pentagon – real or imaginary to him. Certainly the love triangle proved to be real. This checklist describes Him perfectly. Perfectly!!

Being our second time around, His strange need to tell me changing stories about His girls was the start of the end for me. I tried to communicate but was slammed. Then that conversation was shared and belittled which was the final nail in the coffin. Triangulation was used in a very calculated way – a tell-tale trait of a narcissist.

Upon my departure the switch was flicked, killing emotional intelligence. I reverted to the childish behaviour he described of these girls and messaged two of them he whinged about the most, relaying his charming words. Immature I know, and the actions of someone who is a new soul and has a fuck of a long way to go before reaching their goal of a peaceful mind. An old soul would simply have walked away, peaceful and unencumbered. In saying that, if my trust was being exploited, I’d want to know.

datingBut wait! There’s more! The love triangle reared its ugly head again, with the Third Wheel concluding it was her business to contact me to give me a piece of her mind. After questioning my intentions with Him, she then proceeded to tell me about my relationship with Him and tell me who I was, what I was and why He and I broke up. All this, after informing me I owed Him an apology! It was HILARIOUS!

Naturally everything is, was, and always will be my fault, including his words and actions! And of course the two sides to this saga are His and His. Accordingly, he’s made up his story to take crying to Third Wheel who’s cravings have been met by it. And the cycle of depravity will continue – just without me! I’ve been a participant in this too long already.

datingBut I’m free now. Completely free of regret, remorse, confusion and best of all, care. I’ve had enough. I could say I’m not going to make the same ‘mistake’ again. However the term ‘mistake’ infers to me that my choices provide no opportunities for learning and growth. I choose to let go, but I also choose to learn from dating this facet of human psychology and nature. And the lessons are plentiful.

“No matter how shallow the person, they can still drown you if you let them.”

2 thoughts on “Why Dating a Narcissist Is Not For Me

Add yours

  1. I can relate to your story so well. Thank you so much for sharing. I’ve read articles about narcissism, but this is the first personal experience I’ve come across. I relate to the triangulation – it was a constant game played with me to try and make me jealous, then if I said anything i was labelled crazy and insecure. But that’s the manipulation, he knew exactly what he was doing.
    Good on you for knowing your worth and getting away. Email me if you’d like to talk.


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