The Fluidity of Relationships

Relationships: “It is extremely short-sighted and ultimately very mistaken to think that anyone is permanently or inherently our friend, enemy, or stranger.

If these three positions are so temporary and variable – then who is the proper object of our attachment or hatred?”  

 – Geshe Kelsang, Buddhist Monk, meditation master, scholar and author.                                                                                                                                        



Relationships are as fickle and varied as humanity itself, which is no surprise. Some personality combinations work, others do not. Some relationships bring out our best, and others, our worst.

Whatever the relationship though, they are all fluid. Effective communication, compromise and love are the basis of all successful relationships. But as I’ve learnt with Jessie, when things do fall apart, it’s about how we repair. We are human, we all have good and bad days. If we can learn to flow with the waves and build on trust our relationships have a better chance of success.

I like Geshe Kelsang’s quote and appreciate its meaning. People come and go in our lives, nothing is permanent or static. Some people we don’t like when we first meet them, yet they can go on to become good friends. Some relationships start off with a bang and fizzle quite quickly into nothing. Other relationships go through transformations, some we may feel we have lost come back to us.

I think we’re all searching. Searching to belong. As hard as it can be to see at those times when emotion takes over, I do believe we have all that we need right in front of us. People come into our lives for a reason. We have something to learn from each encounter, as well as something to teach. My hope is to learn, to become a wiser and less encumbered friend, partner, mother and daughter. I want my relationships to be free from past negative vibrations, so I can freely be present and enjoy what love in all it’s forms has to offer.

Studies show the importance of the bond between mother and baby. Her love and care directly dictates the future abilities of the child to form close relationships, have healthy self esteem and self confidence. If we get it wrong, we immediately negatively affect our kids. No parent deliberately tries to screw up their children, but we do. They then turn 18 and we shove them out into this world. All we can do is hope we’ve given them enough skills for them to swim and not sink.


Whatever the relationship, it’s the quality of each relationship during it’s lifespan that sticks with us and forms our opinions.

The need to weed out unhealthy relationships before you have given anything of your heart is necessary to maintain a positive opinion, particularly when you’re a sensitive person. The need to appreciate and nurture those fulfilling relationships is just as important.

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