11 sleeps before we start our drive to Eureka. I’m hanging out for 2 weeks of awesome company with my cousin’s. I love the sounds of nature and the absence of traffic and catching up with some my closest friends. No pressures, no stress, lots of love, lots of laughter – my soul food.
I’m feeling completely drained after the last couple of days, so this trip has come at a good time. Jessie had a huge meltdown a couple of days ago because of schoolwork that is now overdue – week 2 of the distance education work. Week 2!!! Not a great start. I’ve been reminding her all week as she’d only done the English work, minus the story she’s supposed to write. The work is minimal, it’s easy, I’m struggling to see why she won’t do it.
So week 2’s work was torn up and thrown at me as she absolutely let loose at me. My Mum would’ve taken me out if I spoke to her the way Jessie does to me. “I brought you into this world and by Christ I can take you out again” as the old saying goes. Will I dare call it a proverb? It’s not very politically correct, but then political incorrectness is one of my favourite things.
Jessie’s aggression wears me down. She uses it to try and manipulate me and she really tests the boundaries every now and then. I go and sit outside and smoke, and wait for the swearing and the demolition to settle down. I think of two things:- a) is she harming herself, and b) what’s getting damaged this time. The only way she will regulate her emotions again is to let her be and hope for the best. It only stops for me after she has come and apologised and I am sure it’s over. The extended adrenaline surge leaves me exhausted and not in a good way.
I grew up in the countryside around Eureka and I miss the lifestyle.
I want to be surrounded by animals and not people again. Jessie is different in the country too. She gets outside and off the computer, and I’m sure farm life would do her good. So by this time next year I plan to be living back up there. We’ve been here five and a half years – my longest time in the one place. I could probably settle now if I find the right place up there, but I’m ready to go from here.
In the meantime we wait patiently for our upcoming Eureka trip. Being Spring there will be snakes about plus the usual wildlife, all preparing for babies. The orchard will be in fruit. My old friend Russ has fresh prawns and fresh fish he caught himself, so I’ll be seeing him on our way through Lismore to stock up. Life is good up there. It’s where I feel I belong, and I want Jessie to feel that too.